I wrote the below poem this evening to vent some frustration about living with hypothyroidism.
After sharing it on a few Facebook groups and talking to others who felt it summed up their experiences too, I thought others not on them would also appreciate reading it.
So here it is.
Close or not, they don’t understand,
That each day is a battle,
And it’s out of your hands.
Inside there’s a fight you cannot control,
Yet you’re the host,
You’re stuck in this hole.
Some days you feel like you’re dying,
Others, barely surviving,
And it’s completely out of your hands,
Some nights are horrendous,
Days even worse,
‘Plans’? What even are ‘plans’?
It’s invisible, you’re broken,
This isn’t you,
Trying not to let it consume you.
Yet it’s difficult, it’s a war,
It’s visible to you,
But nobody seems to believe you.
The invisible consumes and attempts to define,
Who exactly you are,
And with every person who doesn’t understand,
It leaves this invisible scar.
Belief! Someone listens,
You sigh a deep sigh,
A weight lifts off of your shoulders.
You make progress, move forward and look to the hope,
You can start to move aside the boulders.
Alas, it passes,
Just a false alarm,
Impatience spreads like fire.
“Why are you not well?”
“Why are you dragging it out?”
You question, “Am I really a liar?”
“Be patient”, “be patient”,
It’s easy to say,
When you’re not the one who’s fighting your way every day.
When days are heavy and you’re barely OK,
It’s hard enough moving an inch anyway.
This elephant sat on your shoulder all day,
All night, all the time,
It won’t go away.
It controls and it changes who you are,
At first for the worse, but know that this is just the start.
You fight and you push, you can’t give up,
Life wasn’t meant to be easy for someone so tough.
You’re incredibly strong, go on and take a bow,
Ride out the bumps, and take each day for now.
It doesn’t care,
If you fight with all of you or weep in despair.
You’re more than the invisible,
It only defines who you are,
In the sense that it’s taken you on a journey so far.
If you’re at the beginning, or tying it up,
Be proud for showing the invisible who exactly is tough.
Rachel, The Invisible Hypothyroidism
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