What I Mean When I Say I Don’t Like Mornings

Mornings are the worst time of the day for me. They never used to be. I used to be that annoying morning person who chose to get up at 7am on the weekends. Even as a teenager.

But chronic illness and other health conditions render me quite useless in the morning. Unless I’m able to sleep in til about 8:30-9am, I wake up feeling fatigued, no matter what time I went to bed the night before. I’ve gone to bed at 7pm before, woke up at 6:30am and felt even more tired than when I went to bed the night before. It’s common for thyroid and adrenal patients, unfortunately.

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But it’s not just the fatigue; I wake up feeling nauseous, weak in every inch of my body and unable to think clearly until at least 11am. I have adrenal fatigue in the form of high cortisol and I’m trying my best to lower it, but it’s a battle. I wake up feeling unwell, as if I have the flu, a stomach bug and haven’t slept in five years.

Most days, I have no idea how I manage to make it in to work, let alone showered, dressed smartly and hair and make up done so I look presentable and ready for the day ahead. Each one of these tasks uses up spoons and I’m even more exhausted by the time I reach the office. But I’m a stubborn person.

When I wake up, it’s a battle to convince myself to step out of bed when I feel so unwell. But this is my life.

I’m just tired. Tired of living. Tired of existing. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.


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-Rachel

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